Monday, October 27, 2008

Post #17--Problems--by Tsuki Bear

I have a huge problem. Huge doesn't even begin to describe it.

No this has nothing to do with Jim.

This has to do with Chase, the guy I mentioned in my first post. Yeah, just a quick update, he's my ex-boyfriend. One of many (okay, five, but still that's a lot). My last actually.

Anyways, he says that he considers me a good friend. But, does he act like we're even remotely friends? No. He ignores me. He doesn't talk to me, or text me, or anything. Nothing. Its like I never exsisted. He only talks to me when he wants to, or when he wants something (help in photo, or just to talk). It makes me so mad. He makes off like we're friends but in the end, we're really not.

I want to hate him so badly, but I can't. I just can't bring myself to hate him. It is impossible for me to say bad things about him (one of the ten commandments of break-ups: Thou Shalt Not Insult Thy Ex!) It is impossible for me to dislike him in anyway.

The truth is I'm tired. Of lies and hurting and crying myself to sleep at night and hiding behind false smiles whenever he's around. Of having promises broken and starting all over again. Of telling his current girlfriend (who I adore. She's amazing) that everything is okay now, and that I'm over it. I'm not over it.

--Tsuki Bear


Q said...

Personally, I think it's a good thing you don't hate him. Love one another, you know?

FiddleWiz said...

I totally know how this goes!!! I know what it's like to WISH you could hate someone...wish you could hate them with all the fiery passion you can muster. matter how hard you try, you still love them. I'm kind of in that situation right now. I'm the one trying to make it so I move on before he lets me know he moves on (I suspect he already has). And it's hard as heck. I can't pretend I don't like him. Cuz...I still do....