Post #25--Dating Don'ts: Two Big Mistakes Woman Make--by Tsuki Bear

I found this article on a favorite web site I found called girlsguideto.com. Here is the following article I would love to share with you guys:

"There are definitely perks to being single, but most of us are on a mission or at least hoping to one day meet Mr. Right (myself included). However, I'll admit I've made plenty of mistakes when it comes to dating (and not just in choosing the dbags I thought I liked). So I was dying to ask Christian Carter, dating expert and author of “Catch Him & Keep Him”, what the biggest mistakes are we make when it comes to guys and dating because I

Christian: There are 2 big mistakes women make and it's a "must" for them to avoid:

1) Not getting how ATTRACTION works for men, and how to create it. - If a man meets a woman who's smart, interesting, beautiful and has her life "together"... it doesn't mean he's going to like her, be interested, or be interested in more than just a casual thing. Men don't pick and choose to be interested in one kind of woman or another. A man's interest is captured or triggered by the magic emotion we call ATTRACTION.

If a man feels that intense ATTRACTION for a woman at a deep level, then there's almost nothing she can say or do that's going to keep him from wanting to be with her.

On the other hand, if a man DOESN'T FEEL that intense level of attraction for a woman, it doesn't matter how great of a person she is, or how much better of a partner or girlfriend she would make for a man... the man won't "feel it" for her.

A great example of this is how some men, who could choose from lots of different women who might be single and available, end up dating women who generally DON'T have their act and their life together. Lots of women see this and wonder what men are thinking. The reality is that with all the pros and cons that could and should be weighed in a man's mind, the single most important factor that decides whether a man will want to be with a woman or not isn't her resume or where she's at in her life. It's the level of ATTRACTION he feels for her, and if she continues to make him feel that attraction.

2) "The Instant Relationship" (Thinking and talking "relationship" too soon) - In my CD/DVD program "Meeting The One" I talk about how lots of men can meet a woman and have an incredible time on first meetings and the first few dates. But there's one thing that's guaranteed to spoil it when a man is just starting to think "Hey, this woman could really be the one." And that's for a woman to start talking about and/or asking for a committed and exclusive relationship within the first few dates or weeks.

Lots of women chalk men reacting this way to talking about the "Relationship" to men being afraid of commitment. I have found over the years that men, once they recognize a great woman and feel attracted to her, are as much or MORE interested in a committed relationship as women. That is... as long as a woman is not asking for or DEMANDING a relationship from the man and pushing too hard. When a man hears or feels that a woman is wanting or needing a relationship from the start, he will respond by feeling less open to the idea, and that spark of attraction will quickly shift and fade in the man." POSTED BY BRETTE BOROW

http://girlsguideto.com/article/dating-donts-two-biggest-mistakes-women-make

--Tsuki Bear

Post #24--He's Not Interested?--by Tsuki Bear

For those of you who have ever watched "He's Just Not That Into You" you'll find a simple truth that we all know as girls. We are taught at a young age that boys who act like jerks like us! But is it true? I hate to break it to you girls, but really, most of the time it's not. If he's mean, then he's not interested.

But how can we know if they are?

Well, there are three things that can possibly happen on a date with a guy:

1. He could really like what he has come across, so much that he would love to see you again.
2. He could think you're a nice girl, and fun to be around, but you're not what he's looking for
3. He could be bored and would rather poke himself in the eye than see you again.

If it happens to be 2 or 3 chances are he will treat you nicely, which is what he should do.

If it happens to be 1, then here is how you can tell:

• INTERESTED: Before the date, you may catch him staring at you, or smiling at you. He will try to make small talk, like telling you funny stories about his weekend. He does this to figure out if YOU are interested and if he should ask you out.
• NOT INTERESTED: Before the date he rarely, if ever, speaks to you, smiles at you or even pays attention to you. To him, you're about as interested as his mailbox.
• INTERESTED: While on the date, he looks at you and makes direct eye contact A LOT. Often he will compliment your attire, and smile at you a lot (again). Sometimes he may get brave enough to "accidentally" brush your arm or shoulder.
• NOT INTERESTED: While on the date, he walks ahead of you. He'll look around at other people--other girls--at his feet, at his plate, anywhere but you. He might even fall asleep during the movie.
• INTERESTED: He openly shares things about himself: his life, his interests, high school memories, etc. He will ask questions about you, and will answer your questions honestly. He's comfortable around you, meaning his body language is open, such as leaning towards you, arms uncrossed.
• NOT INTERESTED: He won't attempt to make a lasting conversation, meaning there are a lot of awkward silences. He tries to make you do all the talking, so he doesn't have to.
• INTERESTED: He says things like "on our next date"
• NOT INTERESTED: He talks about past relationships and why he doesn't trust women anymore
• INTERESTED: He will ignore his phone while he is with you. Better yet, he might turn it off and leave it in his car.
• NOT INTERESTED: He will be constantly texting, or interrupting with phone calls.
• INTERESTED: He will try to extend the date. If you just saw a movie, perhaps he'll ask you to get dinner with him. If you just had dinner, perhaps a movie, or a game of mini golf.
• NOT INTERESTED: He constantly checks his watch, yawns and stretches like he's bored, and says "sorry to cut this short..." Really, he's not sorry.
• INTERESTED: He'll be a gentleman and walk you to the door, he may even hold your hand. He'll possibly linger a bit, hoping for a kiss. Or two.
• NOT INTERESTED: He'll drop you off at the curb/driveway with a "Nice to meet you!" and take off as soon as you're out of the car. Or, if he's a gentleman, he'll walk you to the door and leave you with a "Nice to meet you!" and take off.
  
• INTERESTED: He says he will call you and DOES the very next day, or even the same night. He'll tell you that he had a great time on the date and would like to see you again.
• NOT INTERESTED: He says he will call you, but doesn't.
  
• INTERESTED: He'll want to see you no matter what.
• NOT INTERESTED: He'll make up excuses
• INTERESTED: He'll ask questions about your life, your dreams, etc. He'll try to get to know everything about you, and he'll remember everything you say.
• NOT INTERESTED: He's practically half there, if that. He'll repeat questions that you've already answered.

--Tsuki Bear

Post #23--Talking to Guys--by Tsuki Bear

The concerns of being a girl range from make-up to hair to school to work to clothes to fashion...the list goes on and on and on. The list is never ending, and varies from girl to girl.

But what is the one worry that every girl in the world shares?

Talking to that cute/hot/drop-dead-sexy boy in school.

It proves to be a huge problem for all of us. Whether they are your homework partner or just a cute face in the hall, it is nearly impossible to think of what to say to them when confronted in a non-school oriented topic.

So what to say?

One thing is for sure: guys love talking about themselves. My best advice would be to play 20 questions with him. Ask him questions about himself. What's his favorite candy? Where was he born? What's his favorite color? Does he play a sport? Get to know him. The only catch is this game is a two way street. You ask the first question, now he needs to ask you one--and it can't be the same one you just asked. (Yes he can ask it later; your favorite color is just as important as his) Once you find something you have in common (let's say, favorite movie is Batman) then you guys will probably get off on a long tangent about movies and things will just start flowing. Trust me, this really works.

If it doesn't work, then it means the guy is a loser and you need to move on.

What not to say?

If he does play a sport, don't ask him about if his team won or lost during their last game. When guys talk about sports, it's either a) a very short discussion and you'll quickly lapse into an awkward silence; b) if the team won, he will only talk about how great he is for winning the game; or c) if they lost he'll rant and rave and get mad about how stupid his team is and how it's so-and-so's fault they lost.

Don't ask about his previous relationships, or current. For a lot of guys, previous relationships are sore spots, so don't even mention them. As for current, chances are it's likely a sore spot for you, and the last thing you need to hear is how great his girlfriend is.

Don't ask him about his grades. If he is not doing well, he will get embarrassed, and that's an ego bruiser. If he has great grades, most likely he'll brag about them, especially if he's super smart.

--Tsuki Bear

Post #22--Surviving the Break-Up--by Tsuki Bear

Life is perfect. You have a rock star boyfriend who practically rules your world! But then life gets the best of you and he dumps you!! (Or maybe you dumped him).

So, now what?

I've been through a lot of break ups. Being the dumpee sucks just as much as being the dumped. The best way to get through this? Well, putting yourself in a deep depression is not the answer. I've got a list of things that just might help you survive the break up blues.

• Rule #1: As Melissa Cantor said in her novel The Break-Up Bible "Thou Shalt Not Insult Thy Ex". Girl, if you want to stay friends with this guy, the worst thing you can do is start making him look like the bad guy. Chances are, you both are at fault for the break up. Instead, look at what things you didn't like about him, and write them down on a piece of paper. That way next time you're on the boyfriend market, you'll know what you're looking for.
• Rule #2: Keep talking to him, but keep it light and casual. Don't get mean and insulting. If you're too angry to talk to him, then don't.
  
• Rule #3: Revenge will not solve anything. I know it is so much fun to entertain ideas of pantsing him in the halls or smashing his car to pieces, but is it really worth that? It makes you look like the bad guy. I've got one word for this: KARMA. He'll find out how it feels eventually.
• Rule #4: Don't hurt yourself. If you need to vent, get a pillow and hit it or scream into it.
• Rule #5: Talk it out. Talk to someone you trust (not your Ex)

Now, the suggestions of what to do now:

• Suggestion #1: Put together a playlist of your favorite songs. Make sure they are happy songs! No break-up songs. No songs that make you cry. Put on songs that make you smile! My "smile song" is called "Smile" by Vitamin C. Find that one song that makes you happy and dance in your room or sing it at the top of your lungs until you can't anymore.
• Suggestion #2: Pamper yourself. Do your nails, wash your face, get a new hair cut, go to the mall!
• Suggestion #3: Hang out with your girl friends. There is no better time to hang out with your girlie pals than now. Chances are, they've missed you.
• Suggestion #4: Confidence is key. If you have to, write I AM AMAZING/BEAUTIFUL/WHATEVER! over and over and over again in a notebook. Boost your confidence. I know it looks like you're full of yourself, but it helps you feel better about yourself.
  
• Suggestion #4: Get active! Start a good cardio work out or try martial arts
• Suggestion #5: Stay busy. The busier you are, the less you'll think about him.

Well, I hope I've been of some help. For more information about break ups, visit www.beinggirl.com

--Tsuki Bear

http://www.beinggirl.com/en_US/articledetail.jsp?ContentId=ART11856

Post #21--For Guys--by Tsuki Bear

So recently I received an email about a blog for guys to help them understand girls. I understand that many of the male recipients of this email were very displeased. I understand, and I apologize for that. I did not personally read this blog, but from my understanding, it was not at all fair.

Girls, here is the fact of life. We cannot ask guys to understand us. It is not fair to them, nor is it worth the head ache for us. So give it up. He will never "understand" you. We will never "understand" them!

Guys, since this blog is for you, here is what I do ask: please, be considerate. If you think we look nice, please tell us. But if we don't, please DO NOT tell us. This will hurt our feelings. Don't tell us if we're fat, ugly, or if we have a zit on our face. Chances are we already think this and we don't need a boy (or anyone else for the matter) confirming it. Girls have a hard enough time with their self esteem as it is.

Please treat us like girls, not like your guy friends. If we wanted to be treated like a guy, we'd be a guy. Simple as that. But also, don't treat us like dirt. Just because we are a different sex does not mean we are aliens from Mars. This much should be a given, but sadly, not all guys know this. Or if they do, they pretend not to.

If we are in a bad mood, I'd suggest you do the following: do not ask, because then you will suddenly become part of the problem whether you signed on to be or not.

When it comes to impressing us, we don't care what kind of car you drive, or what sport you play, or how buff you are. Those of us who do care are most likely not worth your time. Just be yourself! It's been said that guys expect girls to be themselves; we expect the same. So what if you think that you're a dork? There is a girl out there who will think that you're not a dork, and that you are absolutely amazing!

Honestly, I could write a novel on this, but since I don't have space for a novel here, I'll stop now. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section and I will attempt to answer them. No, I am not Dr. Phil so I can't help improve your love life.

--Tsuki Bear

Post #20--Winter Bugs--by Tsuki Bear

It seems I'm best at giving advice lists, or suggestion lists. I don't even know if anyone who reads this actually tries what I suggest, but hey, I'll do it anyways cuz I feel like it!

It's winter time! We all know what this means: the Christmas lights, snow, caroling, Christmas trees, hot chocolate, gift giving and family. Amidst all our joy and celebration there is one thing that could possibly bring us down: the dreaded flu. This is also known as Influenza.

We all know the symptoms of the flu. Your temperature is completely out of control. One minute you're huddled by the fire, wrapped in a blanket. The next, you're running out side in shorts and a T-shirt. You're coughing up a lung (literally), and your throat feels like sand paper. Flu season generally lasts from December to April, so until May hits, you're not safe from this virus. When you get the virus, you are contagious 1-4 days before you even know you have the virus. My suggestion to this: personal space. Please, keep a considerate amount of space between you, and the person you are talking to. As for sneezing, if you want to sneeze, sneeze on someone you want to get sick. JK.

The symptoms of the flu include the ones I listed above. If you have a a fever, headaches and exhaustion, you may be one of the unlucky 90 million people who get this every year. In addition, a dry cough, aches and pains, and fatigue are more symptoms of the flu.

To avoid being one of the 90 million, my suggestions are the following:

• Avoid crowds if at all possible. The less people who cough, breathe, sneeze, etc. on you, the less likely you'll get it.
• Wash your hands frequently, or use anti-bacterial
  
• Get lots of sleep
• Eat healthy food. Foods and juices high in Vitamin C help prevent colds, and the flu
• Bundle up! Make sure you're dressed warm enough for the weather. This means no shorts!
• Get the flu shot. It's not fun, but the pain is temporary; the flu lasts for a while

For more information, check out http://www.beinggirl.com/en_US/articledetail.jsp?ContentId=ART525&page=2&

--Tsuki Bear

Post #19--In General--by Tsuki Bear

Since Tiana ba Llama made a stink about not posting, I'll post, even though I literally have nothing to post. I'll think of something. For once in my life, there is nothing to spew about.

Hmm, since it's the holidays, I'll do something around that!